As Above, so Below: A Night in the Desert

Be thou not proud, O man, in thy wisdom.
Discourse with the ignorant as well as the wise.
If one comes to thee full of knowledge,
listen and heed, for wisdom is all.
-- Thoth

Many are already familiar with Robert Bauval's now infamous insight that the Giza Plateau's 3 largest pyramids reflect on the ground the astral projection of the 3 stars of Orion's belt as overhead 12,500 years ago. Why, however, remains open to debate (Traditional Egytologists would contend this is merely coincidence, just like the other pertinent perfections of the G.P. are accidental surprises). I contemplated this mystery overnight in the desert with the Bedouin. The desert at night is a terrifying place except when at an outdoor tea stand. Once again being the lonely American with a group of Arabs presents its own problems, but I wanted solitude to contemplate how to best succeed in my quest and that's more or less what I got (As I explained to my friend Adel, I didn't come around the Earth to Party, plenty of that monotony in America). My first thoughts centered around Bauval's work regarding the astronomical significance of the Pyramid's construction. As the non-stop wind whispered rumors in my ear, I scribbled strange notes about how geometry must be the key to understanding the riddle. Let's start with the other significant clue linking the construction of the pyramids at the Giza Plateau to 10,500 BC, the idea that the sphinx was originally sculpted as a Lion to represent the zodiac age of LEO. In that epoch at that place, the sun would rise in the house of Leo on the spring equinox, and standing under the Great Pyramid at that time, one would see that the sphinx actually fit precisely into the constellation image. One researcher has even suggested that the astrological alignment of the Sphinx occurs as a starting place for connecting most of the cyclopean monuments Lower Egypt as a representational pieces of a huge "Star Map". This analysis led me to imagine that instead of just appearing and having Thoth hand me the keys to the Spacecraft ("Wings of the Morning"), I might have to wait for a time-lock to open a gateway, thus unlocking the "stargate" at a prophesied date. If there is a decipherable code of the heavens imprinted upon the face of the Earth, then it stands to reason that geosynchronous construction would have to symbolize the different planet by the geometry of the respective pyramids, perhaps not specifically by exact size/mass comparisons but by angles and math. The so-called Queen's pyramids or the smaller/satellite pyramids make an interesting counterexample to their bigger companions. Most are constructed of the same mind bogglingly large stones, but put together with less accuracy. In fact most appear to be all but totally destroyed by the raiders who stripped the others bare and the ravages of time in the desert. There are at least 6 recognizable smaller pyramids, and there remains the foundations for several others. Christopher Dunn assumed that these were used as a jumpstart to get the big'uns humming. But like so much in this mystery, that doesn't discount a 2 in 1 purpose that also points to the judgment day rapidly approaching.

The desert is unlike any other landscape; it is truly barren and very secretive. The wind never relents, and the sand seems like a veil moving over the land slowly over aeons of time. I couldn't sleep all night from paranoia, a restless urging, and the fucking wind that never, ever gives up. The sun rise was truly majestic, and if the camera battery hadn't died I'd be able to share it with you. Anyway, yesterday I finally got to do what I came to do: lie down in the tomb in the king's chamber (for only 40LE baksheesh, the best deal I've gotten the whole time I've been here). Pyramid power is no joke, all day today my muscles have felt like I've been through a rigorous workout. Let me describe this experience: first of all, there's a fence (in the picture with the camel) that runs around the entire plateau, so I won't be able to attempt an overnight mission any time soon. It costs 60 LE flat to enter the complex, 30 LE to enter the pyramid of Khafre (the one that retains its smooth limestone near the top) and 100 LE to enter the Great Pyramid of Khufu (the one with my name Phi/pi encoded into its design). But they only sell 300 tickets into the G.P. every day: half at dawn and half at 1pm. Naturally I didn't get to the counter at time and had to wait until one. Which was great because it gave me time to wander around freely and collect my thoughts. My first impression was great sadness, there's litter everywhere, the guards are armed with machine guns and have hard-ons for their petty authority over the kids having fun climbing up a few steps (absolutely forbidden, bleeeh), and the workforce that could be better employed to clean the place up is busy selling cheesy junk and tourist priced water (luckily I brought my own). It would be funny if it were a giant ball of twine, but the Giza Pyramids are probably the last remaining link to "Zep Tepi" or the mythological golden age (READ THESE STATS!). Anyway, the visitor to the G.P. enters through a forced entrance drilled rather recently near where first pyramid raiders penetrated the ascending passage. The first thing you notice is the ridiculous size of the cut stone, absolutely huge some pieces. The next thing you notice is the lack of oxygen and the musty scent. Then, the other tourists making a hasty retreat sweating profusely and breathing heavily. One has to crouch to make the first ascent for about 30 yards, the ramp has small steps and two-way traffic makes for a tight squeeze. Once through the gauntlet, the passage opens into the Grand Gallery, named as such because garbled walls rise nearly 20 feet and the ramp up extends about 26 degrees for something like 50 yards. Then for most tourists comes the anti-climax of the King's chamber, a sparse rectangular room of black granite in which sits the so-called sarcophagus. Once inside, people's voices reverberate eerily because of the intent of the room as a maser to concentrate the piezo-electric effect of the quartz (the crystal in most microphones) pressurized by the mass of the structure. Obviously at this point, I'm glowing like a radioactive isotope, practically giving anyone in the vicinity minor snippets of the significance of the different aspects of everything. I had worried there would be another idiot guard in the King's Chamber who would shoot me if I tried to get in the box, but mercifully the man who worked there had dealt with kooks like me before and allowed me to meditate on the far side, and lie inside the box when the tourists left. Now this may be a coincidence, but when I first lain down the lights went out momentarily. I had hoped this was when Thoth would appear, but no, evidently I am yet far too impure. Instead, I slowly made my way to the exit marvelling at every little thing on my way out. As I made my exit I felt mildly disappointed but not defeated. I remained at the plateau for a while longer, until these kids started congregating around me trying to communicate. They wanted me to sing a song, so I taught them the only one I could think of "Fuck the Police" by NWA, and they loved it and wanted me to do it over and over again. So I had to get out of there.

Now, let's discuss price...No I mean go over the main points of the argument against the prevailing notion that dynastic pharaohs built these monuments.
1. The G.P. consists of 2,300,000 blocks of stone varying from 2-30 tons, some as much as 70 tons covering over 13 acres and rising almost 450 feet. Those were either the strongest slaves who ever lived or aliens helped.
2. What autocrat would choose utility over personal gratification? Khufu's name is nowhere.
3. No corpse has ever found inside, and the grave robber theory doesn't hold water because until Al-mamoun broke into it, it would be impossible for anything other than bats and bugs to get inside through the star shafts 5 inches in diameter (that's one small tomb raider).
4. Pharaohs didn't have the technology to cut stone that precise, sure they could carve artwork, but the workmanship on the pyramid blocks reflects a methodology of an advanced means.
5. The pyramids already existed at that time as reflected in a proper translation of the literature.
6. Even modern technicians probably couldn't replicate the G.P.
7. A group of goons from PBS failed to use manpower to make a pyramid even as big as the capstone of the G.P. would have been.
8. Could the Pharaoh's harness lightening? Then they didn't build the pyramid power plant.
9. "Microscopic analysis of the coffer (sarcophagus) reveals that it was made with a fixed point drill that used hard jewel bits and a drilling force of 2 tons. The coffer was sawed out of a block of solid granite."
10. The curvature designed into the faces of the pyramid exactly matches the radius of the earth. Did the pharaohs even know that the world was round?